RealmOfVampz

2004-09-21T16:15:00.000+08:00

No time to write and nothing to write until I feel like writing......

2004-08-21T08:37:00.000+08:00

My Thoughts....

Pretty busy with work nowdays........Im currently working as a Spa Care Advisor in Lagunita Spa in Laguna National Golf & Country Club. Situated in the eastern part of the island, It is just 10 mins drive from the Changi Airport. I just took some photo shots of my spa well when Ive develop them Ill post it in here. Im pretty sure my kor including some of my friends who read my blog would loves to see how my working place look like as its only meant strictly for country club members only. To all whome I lost all the contact nos..well, I can be reached @ 91029978. Arigatogozaimase.... ^_*

My Family....

Nothing much to update here as Im always at work. Off days, either Im cleaning up the whole house or just lazing around. Friends did called me out for coffee or hanging around but I just wanna stay at home and rest as Ill be working the very next day. Jie been asking me to go to church. Not that I didnt want to,Its.. I cant as Im working even on sundays unless its my off day. Grandma just came back from Malacca. Hmm...wondering what she bought for us ????? My two twin sis were sick during this week. I have to take precaution not to be sick or else it will affect my work. I was like a paranoid at hm, keep spraying the disinfectant.Well I meant well...I DIDNT WANT TO FALL SICK.....Went to Rivervale Mall, saw a pretty nice 3/4 pants.Without much hasitation, I went in to try n bought it. My grandma shake her heard I bought pants again.Well...Well... no comments.

My Friends....

Recently, Ivan email me. Hmmm..its been quite awhile since Ive chat with him.Ever since I lost my hp, most of my friends contacts also gone..Its really sweet he still remembers me..." hey hey dearest vampy~!!! " Kekeke...His parting words.. " yours with love and sincerity, Ivan aka VAmpY aka [SuPeR_NoVa] " ~PenGz~ my hair stands...So mushy..lolx. Hes gonna kill me if he saw I copy paste from his email to here. >.<

My beloved Pooh Mei also recently have blog. Hmm...I guess its a trend now. Well, Pooh Mei.... Ill link to your blog soon. Wonder if Ivan got blog??? kekeke.. ^_^

Next week is my used to be cheongster buddy aka my dearest good friend, Michelle's birthday. Hmmmzz... wondering what should I get for her. She will be having her chalet on the 30th of this month ~Arghh~ I really dunno what to wear guess I got to buy a new 3/4 pants or short???? -_-

Ryan2 recently got in touch with me. He sound pretty serious in the phone like Ive juz commit a serious crime by disappearing in the last two months.I also dunno what to say to him. Things arent the same like before. We used to go out together often before but now......Im too lazy to go out....Dunno why.. now all I do is work finished go home sleep, wake up go work..and vise versa. I dun really feel like going out. .....

Last But Not Least....
Ive some parting words to share with. Words that represent our parts & parcel of life. These words was shared with me by a friend whom I knew in the cyber world. Ill try to edit some of the words so that it represent what I feel. ~Yawnzz~ My fingers getting numb writting this blog. Lala Land is waiting for my arrival. So till then this is IrNz signing off...*Winkz*

One after the other it never seems to end
Want to break free but I doubt that I can
It really does hurt so much when I think
No matter I try so hard but still I sink

In waters of regret and waves of hope
I was pushed back and forth but now I know
That amidst the grey clouds and above the dark skies
I did what I did above all the lies

I stand for what my heart believes and what I feel is right
I won’t let anyone change that, not without a fight
For I know I did the right thing and my actions prove it so
No matter what all the people hear, the truth is what they’ll know

I write this poem with the knowledge in my heart
That all this will be but a story to impart
A lesson for all to learn and see
The worst in a person is dishonesty

2004-08-13T09:32:00.000+08:00

My Thoughts....

Feeling very moody nowdaes..thought my best friend coming ( PMS ) but eventually it never come till todae. ~ Haiz ~ Also pretty busy finding chalet to book for new year eve. This year, new year eve planning to have a big bang with all my family & relative members of coz not forgetting friends for celebration. Kinda tired of going to cramp places to countdown each year well, this very year, I will have my very own countdown at a chalet. Still busy on the planning side of coz with my elder twin sis as my treasurer hopefully things turn out smoothly. Not forgetting my dear kor, Steven with his help on finding the chalet location. ~ Thankz Kor ~ Though new year eve still far away well.. cant be help... Im very kiasu as I hate disappointment. -__- I always want it my way...

Right now Im having a long distant relationship with my used-to-be-ex-boyfriend in 1998. Hes a half japanese and half chinese. I dun know how to put it well in a sense he treat me like his beloved girlfriend but Im kinda still flirting around. He will call me everydae without fail to check on me and will be coming again to Sg at the end of the month. I told him before I didnt want to be his girlfriend once again coz I didnt want to have any commitment for now. Im happy with my lifestyle now changing boyfriend every now and then. I dun like I change. I like this Japanese boyfriend of mine But that dosent mean I will settle down with him yet. We kind of made a promise sort of like this ..If our relationship could last in the test of time of 2 yrs begining of this year I will willingly with all my heart be a one man woman. Which mean he have to accept that now even though Im "together" with him in long distant he is not the only one man Im going out with. Call me a flirt watever shit Im not going to let that pull me down. I can go out with any guy I want to same goes to him. But If hes in Sg of coz I will spent most time with him. My heart is still not yet settle down coz till todae I still believe good man are either taken or DEAD. Prove me wrong then. All the men that enter my life are like ...Duhz....Wat can I say...Hmmz.." got money no brain no money got brain..~Sigh~" Am I expecting too much...??? I like this I also like that how ???? ~ can anyone answer me??~Will there be a miracle??? ~ Lord send me an angel to shower me with love that Im lack of...An angel that will give me happiness..When will the dae ever come?? Will you be the one??? ~ Thinking in progress ~

At work...Hmmz.. feeling a little bit pissed off if im working with my another staff. Well shes a mix of indian and malay I guess.~ wah piang ~ I can vomit blood. Everydae come to work pain here pain there. Next talk about management. Arrgghhh~~~~ Somemore always 24hrs hp. Hp here Hp there. Working also must put hp in the drawer were we put the stationary. So inconvienence to work with her..slow....long-winded....Haiz...BWG. Prefer working with my another staff Nora. I can finish my things on time. I noe Im pushy & demanding at times but when it comes to work I mean bussines....

My Family....

My grandma bought for me a 3/4 black pants. Pretty nice. I can wear it to work. I dun have to dress up as I have uniform provided. So sometimes I juz wear t-shirt & shorts to work but of coz with a sport shoe lah so that I wont look as If Im going to market. ~Kekekekekekeke~

Attend my canadian cousin birthdae on Sunday 8 of August 2004 in Bishan. Most of my other relative attended commented that Ive changed. Well...Did I ??? Maybe they dun often see me only on new year daes. My canadian cousin going back to canada on this 21 Aug 04 dunno I can off or not to send her off at the airport.

My Friends....

Ivan read my blog le ..~ Wah ~ I receive his Hurhur sms but unfortunately I cant respond as my credit are running low. Wait till I top up bah. Well.. Ivan you can call my hp but Ill get you to call another no.

Pooh mei ...Oh ya...I havent go out with her hor...~ Scratching head ~ Also wanna go cheong with me de...hmmz...Juz that I now hardly go cheong le..friends got jio me go but I busy working too tired le...Well mei...you go with your friends first bah..I cant promise when I can go. Im a workaholic if you wanna noe. Ill keep you inform bah..~ oopz ~ >.<

Marcus Marcus....youre in my list too...Duhzz...say I forget him. ~Piang-eh ~ juz sms him recently say hi ~*wah piang*~ bombak my sms. Scold me for MIA. -_- bwg le.....

Recently juz noe a guy named Sebestian de souza. He got a chinese name..hmmz..let me recall...oh yeah..its Wei Qiang. He told me he hate his chinese name..An american born chinese guy, met in my friend, Louis's chalet. ~Wow~ Admire his american accent...siii beiii power. My some chinese ah beng ah seng friends talk to him until their tougue twisted. ~ Laughing out loud ~ Well, nowdaes keep chatting to me on the phone. This coming sat ask me to go out see movie in Plaza Singapura. ~ Yawnz ~ Im sure to slp inside. See how bah...Duhzz....

Luke called recently...I was kinda surprise. I stammer as I talk to him. Never imagine he will call me again. I thought when he left for Australia in March 2004 thats the end of our friendship as I rejected him...Who will have thought he still treasure our friendship. ~ God Bless ~ He will call me again to chat. Looks like I got to top up more credits to my hp.~ oh no ~ There will be two long distant call..one from Japan one from Australia...~ Haiz ~

Last But Not Least....
~Yawnzzzz...~ Well I guess that all for todae my fingers are numb. Till then this is IrNz SuzaNNe signing off....* Winkz *

2004-08-08T08:37:00.000+08:00

My Thoughts....

Feeling very moody nowdaes..thought my best friend coming ( PMS ) but eventually it never come till todae. ~ Haiz ~ Also pretty busy finding chalet to book for new year eve. This year, new year eve planning to have a big bang with all my family & relative members of coz not forgetting friends for celebration. Kinda tired of going to cramp places to countdown each year well, this very year, I will have my very own countdown at a chalet. Still busy on the planning side of coz with my elder twin sis as my treasurer hopefully things turn out smoothly. Not forgetting my dear kor, Steven with his help on finding the chalet location. ~ Thankz Kor ~ Though new year eve still far away well.. cant be help... Im very kiasu as I hate disappointment. -__- I always want it my way...

Right now Im having a long distant relationship with my used-to-be-ex-boyfriend in 1998. Hes a half japanese and half chinese. I dun know how to put it well in a sense he treat me like his beloved girlfriend but Im kinda still flirting around. He will call me everydae without fail to check on me and will be coming again to Sg at the end of the month. I told him before I didnt want to be his girlfriend once again coz I didnt want to have any commitment for now. Im happy with my lifestyle now changing boyfriend every now and then. I dun like I change. I like this Japanese boyfriend of mine alot coz even my mum saw him before and she like him too. But that dosent mean I will settle down with him yet. We kind of made a promise sort of like this ..If our relationship could last in the test of time of 2 yrs begining of this year I will willingly with all my heart be a one man woman. Which mean he have to accept that now even though Im "together" with him in long distant he is not the only one man Im going out with. Call me a flirt watever shit Im not going to let that pull me down. I can go out with any guy I want to same goes to him. But If hes in Sg of coz I will spent most time with him. My heart is still not yet settle down coz till todae I still believe good man are either taken or DEAD. Prove me wrong. All the men that enter my life are like ...Duhz....Wat can I say...Hmmz.." got money no brain no money got brain..~Sigh~" Am I expecting too much...??? I like this I also like that how ???? ~ can anyone answer me??~Will there be a miracle??? ~ Lord send me an angel to shower me with love that Im lack of...An angel that will give me happiness..When will the dae ever come?? Will you be the one??? ~ Thinking in progress ~

At work...Hmmz.. feeling a little bit pissed off if im working with my another staff. Well shes a mix of indian and malay I guess.~ wah piang ~ I can vomit blood. Everydae come to work pain here pain there. Next talk about management. Arrgghhh~~~~ Somemore always 24hrs hp. Hp here Hp there. Working also must put hp in the drawer were we put the stationary. So inconvienence to work with her..slow....long-winded....Haiz...BWG. Prefer working with my another staff Nora. I can finish my things on time. I noe Im pushy & demanding at times but when it comes to work I mean bussines.

My Family....

My grandma bought for me a 3/4 black pants. Pretty nice. I can wear it to work. I dun have to dress up as I have uniform provided. So sometimes I juz wear t-shirt & shorts to work but of coz with a sport shoe lah so that I wont look as If Im going to market. ~Kekekekekekeke~

Attend my canadian cousin birthdae on Sunday 8 of August 2004 in Bishan. Most of my other relative attended commented that Ive changed. Well...Did I ??? Maybe they dun often see me only on new year daes. My canadian cousin going back to canada on this 21 Aug 04 dunno I can off or not to send her off at the airport.

My Friends....

Ivan read my blog le ..~ Wah ~ I receive his Hurhur sms but unfortunately I cant respond as my credit are running low. Wait till I top up bah. Well.. Ivan you can call my hp but Ill get you to call another no.

Pooh mei ...Oh ya...I havent go out with her hor...~ Scratching head ~ Also wanna go cheong with me de...hmmz...Juz that I now hardly go cheong le..friends got jio me go but I busy working too tired le...Well mei...you go with your friends first bah..I cant promise when I can go. Im a workaholic if you wanna noe. Ill keep you inform bah..~ oopz ~ >.<

Marcus Marcus....youre in my list too...Duhzz...say I forget him. ~Piang-eh ~ juz sms him recently say hi ~*wah piang*~ bombak my sms. Scold me for MIA. -_- bwg le.....

Recently juz noe a guy named Sebestian de souza. He got a chinese name..hmmz..let me recall...oh yeah..its Wei Qiang. He told me he hate his chinese name..An american born chinese guy, met in my friend, Louis's chalet. ~Wow~ Admire his american accent...siii beiii power. My some chinese ah beng ah seng friends talk to him until their tougue twisted. ~ Laughing out loud ~ Well, nowdaes keep chatting to me on the phone. This coming sat ask me to go out see movie in Plaza Singapura. ~ Yawnz ~ Im sure to slp inside. See how bah...Duhzz....

Last But Not Least....
I realized now that whenever I walk down the street people walking past will always not once not twice but always look at my face. I wonder why??? I got so paranoid and start looking for a mirror who noes got bird shit or what on my face I dunno or my make up started to cake or whatever.~ Damn It ~ Look awhile its ok but no they look with the amusing looks in their face as if im an ALIEN from outer space. Im also not pretty neither do Im ugly. But....the problem here hey hey...I HATE and I mean I really HATE it when people start looking at me like that.~ !!!!!! ~ Whats the (*&^%$#@). I noe that eyes are meant to see but hey frankly speaking how I wish I could dig out their eyes right away.Maybe Im too sensitive which I should mirror myself but I hope Im really wrong to feel this way.What would you do if you were me ??? Any comments ?? ~Yawnzzzz...~ Well I guess that all for todae my fingers are numb. Till then this is IrNz SuzaNNe signing off....* Winkz *

2004-07-26T09:48:00.000+08:00

My Thoughts....

Pretty busy with work nowdays........Im currently working as a Spa Care Advisor in Lagunita Spa in Laguna National Golf & Country Club. Situated in the eastern part of the island, It is just 10 mins drive from the Changi Airport. I just took some photo shots of my spa well when Ive develop them Ill post it in here. Im pretty sure my kor including some of my friends who read my blog would loves to see how my working place look like as its only meant strictly for country club members only. To all whom Ive lost all the contact nos..well, I can be reached @ 91029978. Arigatogozaimase.... ^_*

My Family....

Nothing much to update here as Im always at work. Off days, either Im cleaning up the whole house or just lazing around. Friends did called me out for coffee or hanging around but I just wanna stay at home and rest as Ill be working the very next day. Jie been asking me to go to church. Not that I didnt want to,Its.. I cant as Im working even on sundays unless its my off day. Grandma just came back from Malacca. Hmm...wondering what she bought for us ????? My two twin sis were sick during this week. I have to take precaution not to be sick or else it will affect my work. I was like a paranoid at hm, keep spraying the disinfectant.Well I meant well...I DIDNT WANT TO FALL SICK.....Went to Rivervale Mall, saw a pretty nice 3/4 pants.Without much hasitation, I went in to try n bought it. My grandma shake her heard I bought pants again.Well...Well... no comments.

My Friends....

Recently, Ivan email me. Hmmm..its been quite awhile since Ive chat with him.Ever since I lost my hp, most of my friends contacts also gone..Its really sweet he still remembers me..." hey hey dearest vampy~!!! " Kekeke...His parting words.. " yours with love and sincerity, Ivan aka VAmpY aka [SuPeR_NoVa] " ~PenGz~ my hair stands...So mushy..lolx. Hes gonna kill me if he saw I copy paste from his email to here. >.<

My beloved Pooh Mei also recently have blog. Hmm...I guess its a trend now. Well, Pooh Mei.... Ill link to your blog soon. Wonder if Ivan got blog??? kekeke.. ^_^

Next week is my used to be cheongster buddy aka my dearest good friend, Michelle's birthday. Hmmmzz... wondering what should I get for her. She will be having her chalet on the 30th of this month ~Arghh~ I really dunno what to wear guess I got to buy a new 3/4 pants or short???? -_-

Ryan2 recently got in touch with me. He sound pretty serious in the phone like Ive juz commit a serious crime by disappearing in the last two months. I also dunno what to say to him. Things arent the same like before. We used to go out together often before but now......Im too lazy to go out....Dunno why.. now all I do is work finished go home sleep, wake up go work..and vise versa. I dun really feel like going out. .....

Last But Not Least....

Ive some parting words to share with. Words that represent our parts & parcel of life. These words was shared with me by a friend whom I knew in the cyber world. Ill try to edit some of the words so that it represent what I feel. ~Yawnzz~ My fingers getting numb writting this blog. Lala Land is waiting for my arrival. So till then this is IrNz signing off...*Winkz*

One after the other it never seems to end

Want to break free but I doubt that I can

It really does hurt so much when I think

No matter I try so hard but still I sink

In waters of regret and waves of hope

I was pushed back and forth but now I know

That amidst the grey clouds and above the dark skies

I did what I did above all the lies

I stand for what my heart believes and what I feel is right

I won’t let anyone change that, not without a fight

For I know I did the right thing and my actions prove it so

No matter what all the people hear, the truth is what they’ll know

I write this poem with the knowledge in my heart

That all this will be but a story to impart

A lesson for all to learn and see

The worst in a person is dishonesty

2004-07-05T13:57:00.000+08:00

My Thoughts...

A week has passed.Its the month of July now.How time flies.Half of the year is gone.When I flashes back the memories of the past, I felt so silly, Inmature & childish. However due to the silly mistake that I made,I grew into a better & stronger person of today.Life is nothing but a dream.Dreamz that either you walk through with Happiness or Sadness.Painful memories are better off not to be remember so Ive erased most of the memories away from my memory completely.While sweet memories lies forever....

My Family

Mother wants to apply for a residential line for the home.So when Its approve Ill apply for Singnet.My relationship with her is getting better then before.I thank God for that.Whatever I want now she will buy for me..So I guess my getaway to Australia isnt so bad afterall.

My Friendz

Ive not contected alot of my friends eversince Ive left.But that does not mean that they're forgotten.In fact, nobody knew why I suddenly left for Australia.Its a last minute decision.I can be reach through my email @ lavenderblue81@hotmail.com. Sometimes this tagboard of shout it aloud I can hardly see the mssges coz it say temporary unavailable.So I guess leaving me an email is much better...Ill keep in touch soon..

Last But Not Least

Ill update again of any special happening events within this week.Till then Tis is Irin signing off...Muackz..

2004-06-29T12:44:00.000+08:00

Its been a long... long time since I last update this blog.How time flies...In a twinkle of an eye Its been nearly 3 mths since I last log on the internet.Now that Im back, I try to log on once a week. Too much interneting will kill me..lolx.
Hmm..Where have I been in the last 2 mths plus..???? Well ever since my last marriage didnt not work out, I went to Australia for a change of enviroment.I went from the second week of April until last week. I wonder what has change????
Suddenly I feel so out of place.~Strange~
How have everybody getting on??? Ive seen msgges in my tagboard.Thank you for missing me. =) Well I dunno what to write or where to start from.Too much too say or rather too lazy to write.Dats the way Ir|Nz is..kekekekeke...ILL UPDATE AGAIN..
Till then drop me a msg whenever whoever drops by...Take care all~!~!~!~ This is Ir|Nz signing off....

2004-04-11T01:20:00.000+08:00

Few daes never update my blog le..Hmm..dunno wer to begin also..Everydae the same routine for me; cleaning the hse & wait for hubby to come bac.Sounds like a Japster wife??? Ha|z..|m already am..Juz dat |m a chinese wife in a Japster lifestyle.Been wanting to go for interview But hubby say maybe need to go to Thailand for business trip and he ask me to go along.Wah...sounds excited hor..Bangkok nia..| sure shop till | drop.. ;x |m really bored to death at hm..

Married Life has changed my entire life..My kor said |m much more mature eversince |ve got married.Izzit??? |m not so sure..he said |m not as childish as before.Being married |m committed to my hubby.A commitment dats for life..|ts not like having a bf wer you can juz shake off anytime.Its a totally diff things.The dae when we ROM, my bro-James & m hubby's Sister-Emmeline were our witnesses.My hubby's mother & my dasao were present too.| didnt let my parents noe abt it coz | noe they will object so |m taking a gamble & go ahead with it.Anyway as long my bro says ok ..|m not so worry le..| got his backing to help me up.As we were exchanging our vows, | saw my bro wiping his tears.Dunno why suddenly | began to cry also..Was it tears of joy or was it simply bcoz | saw my bro weeping???..|m still unsure.When |t was my turn to say " | do" | cried uncontrollably..Arrgghh~~~ | cant help it..After the whole process, my bro came up to me and said "my beloved mei has finally decided to settle down, no more puppy love dat | used to hear..this man youre marrying is the man youre going to grow old with,the man who will walk the journey of life with.And most importantly this is the man youre gonna spent the rest of your life with..in every marriage there always ups & downs juz like every r/ship dat you go through..none is perfect.Its a matter on how you make it happen between both of you.Watever happens in your very last relationship, let it be a passer by in your life..dats parts & parcel of life.Let it go..this is a new begining.|m always hoping to see you smile like the way you used to be..|m your bro |m always here for you...." | juz smile and |m pondering his words...a whole new begining...yeah~~~

Want to go out with Nox buddy haiz..hes busy with his new gf, wintergal..| think | tok to her b4..cant recall..Juz hope dat buddy will last long with his this gf..sianz & tired of listening to him telling me dat hes stuck in between who to choose..oppz.. did | say something out?? anyways dats in the past..Right now | can see hes really happy with his new gf..|m really happy for him..| juz break the news dat |m already married..wah..he tio shock..until his voice change le...lolx..hey buddy..| cant cheong anymore..life isnt the same like b4..Buddy jia yo..wen your turn?? lol..* winkz*

Wondering hows my fellow vampy Supernova been?? Sms him also bo reply..guess he pretty busy bah..|van dearie..if youre reading my blog..tag some msg down...how have you been..no news from you..Wu Ching de ren!!!! lol Tao yan...MIA si bo??? hhmmppzz!!!!! must sms me or call me wen free wor..or else | bombak your hp...lol.. ^_*

|m changing my status in my IC to Mrs Irin Suzanna Lee...hmmm sounds like tai tai hor..Yeah |m a young tai tai..lol. kekeke.|m making a webby wer you guys can see my wedding pics pretty soon..|m still designing the website...not sure wen will be out..no promises..| wont be online dat often...- Making in Progress/ Akan Datang - Well |ll end it here..|m getting real slpy..Goodnite ...* winkz*

2004-04-07T01:22:00.000+08:00

Well time to update my blog le..pretty tired over the weekends..wah married life not easy wor..now |m a housewife..temporary nia..|m going to get a new job soon..Laogong asking me wanna go Hong Kong or not for holiday..Hmmm..|m still considering..Dunno wan or not..If go also, | cannot speak canto neither do my Laogong ( hes a teochew).So | tell him see how bah..Maybe he wanna go KL nez few weeks following Genting for a nite or two.| still dunno | wanna go wit him or not..Nowdaes, | everydae clean his house wah | like maid like dat..Ha|z..Wat to do..my Laogong le mah..Be Laopo is like dat de..My Jie & Kor very happy to hear me married le..wah They waiting to see my Little Juniors..kekekeke..maybe not so soon bah..Haiyo~~~My Laogong also wan..tink wat | pig ar?? -_- See my mood bah..Jie~~ | will haf de..but not so soon lah..Haiyo~~~ financial not yet so stable..Ermmz..scully you hear | haf le ar..how ar?? lolx..whahaha jkjkjk.. :x
Im having second tots of buying hse in Woodlands..the flat like very small like dat..| went to see in Jurong wah..more bigger...| gian gian le..Jurong East..Hmmzzz..near my frewnz hse..and his Mother hse..| dunno now very the confused..| wan big flat coz | wanna take maid..| dun wanna be housewife..Well thinking of bringing my Laogong to Canada..but he dun wan ..he loves Singapore so much..Ha|z..| got to tok to my aunty again..to apply PR for me..And my Laogong ...
Alamak..|m going to be late le..my laogong fetching me to his hse..now |m at my own hse lah..kekeke..Guess,|ll stop here..|ll continue again another dae..till then..chiao~~~~

2004-04-02T18:03:00.000+08:00

Hmmz...was pretty free at the moment so | totz why not update my blog..Well, My laogong & Me has decide to get a flat in Woodlands.Well, basically its near his sister & my bro place.Secondly, We love to travel to Msia to buy ciggy & pump petrol for the bike as well as we can buy grocery for the house. So |ts veri convienent rite??? Hmmz..We will be viewing a few in a few daes time..Well of coz | will haf the final say whether | like it or not..kekekeke..oopz not me lah its him coz hes the one going to come out the $$$ mah..| come out my CPF nia..lolx. :X
My second choice of place will be either in Chua Chu Kang or Bukit Batok..All in the west..away from my parents & away from his parents. Better.. no politics. If not | got migraine again..Ha|z...Married life...hows its gonna be..Went to register our marriage in ROM. Cannot run le..guess buddy, Ryan2,James & all those who noes me will be shock to hear this..|m getting married.Juz ROM nia.Small affairs.Customary will not be so soon...If we still keep in touch..| will sure invite you guys for my customary de..I wanna it to be grand also..kekekekeke.Register no need lah..small small can le..wait waste money..oopz..| rather spend more on the customary..lol.. kk, | need to go clean the place le..wait, he come scream at me..house still so messy..| free will update again..maybe after the ROM thingy..this sat..dats tomolo...Ha|z..take care peeps..This is |rinz signing off...*winkz*

2004-04-01T22:52:00.000+08:00

Todae my mood suckz..wtf...My buddy told me things dat | shouldnt be hearing...| see things dat |m not suppose to see even..why??? am | feeling this way..| feel so pissed off..Isnt it better |f buddy dun tell me abt it...|snt it better if | no nothing abt it...Wat for let me noe??? Making me feel like fark...Like | say, a farker will always be a farker...Though | may sound cheerful..no one can imagine how am | feeling inside.|m already a failure in life..why make things worst for me.Fark manz..Buddy | hate you for letting me noe..| hate you...Why you wanna be so miserable is it??? Am | not miserable enuf haf to go through all the unhapiness with dat jerk.For all the the pain | go through, |ll make sure Heaven will double or even triple his retribution.| sound evil rite..Dun forget |m Ev|L^Ir|Nz..| can be more evil if i wana too. | believe in retributions..For all those who haf hurt me in the past will suffer theirs.Mark my words,They will get theirs sooner or later.Its onli a matter of time..God damn it...

Im really feeling like fark..damn fark..| even almost quarell wit my laogong juz now..Hes concern but | juz dun feel like toking to him..| juz wanna b alone..Laogong |m sori..Btw, | saw things dat |m not suppose to see in the house..Better fold all your clothings..| treat wat | saw as invisible.But | wont be dat kind enuf to do dat nez time..You should noe me pretty well..weve been together for 3 yrs plus.| roughly noe wat you did wen were not together. | treat it as a page dat |ve missed.Wat you did for the past six months is not my problem.| dun wanna noe also.Same goes wat | did is none of your problem coz were not together..But now..wat you do in the present is my problem..pls | need your understanding for dat. Dun rake up the past.|ve done you wrong & youve done me wrong.Were quit. Now dat we are even..|ts a new begining.| really hope tis relationship can last..|m very tired of playing le.Try to bear wit my temper now these daes..|m so stressed up. | sori if | make you angry..|m trying to sort things out in my mind.Things dat | shouldnt be thinking.Things dat | should haf known its not worth thinking for.Laogong give me time..You appear so suddenly..|m a little bit unprepare to be together back wit you. But
| wan you to noe dat | still got feelings for you but not as much as last time.|ve given part of it to someone else.Not Mid.Its a guy whom | realli treats him well for the past few weeks.|ll be honest wit you..| dun wanna you to think dat |m lying bhind your back.| admit | still got a bit of feelings for him..But |m forgeting him..coz Hes a farking jerk.Dun laff at me..| noe |m a failure. |ll try to be good.| promise...Ha|z...wo de tian ar..|m so fan..jio ming ar..Let my heart settle down...asap..plsss...watever is past...let it be gone..for all those memories will be juz a passer by in my life....Ill end it here..This is Ir|nz hiding her tears....

2004-04-01T02:13:00.000+08:00

Feel like updating my blog todae..but not too long de..juz a short onez..
Slept over in my laogong's Place or rather our place in Henderson..Den in the afternoon he sent me to wk...before dat my laogong cook for me a herbal chicken soup.Wah..so long never taste his cooking le..seems like getting better wor..Hmmpz.So | go to wk with a happy stomach..lolz..At wk, todae not many pplz in Wisma..| sianz 1/2 not much sales..Ha|z..How to hit my target like dat..Wah piangz.. -_- Nothing much hapen todae at wk...at nite my Laogong fetch me go home again to Henderson..Yawnz..time to slp le..Tomolo | need to wake up early..Last but not least, Nitey pplz..slp tite slp well..*winkz* This is Irinz signing off...Chiaoz..

2004-03-31T03:17:00.000+08:00

Time to update my blog again le...many daes no update liao..Well basically |m pretty busy with my work..and of coz with my Laogong lor..|ve patch back with my Laogong of three yrs..Well..he did things dat really makes me feel touched..| didnt realize dat he loves me so much..After all that we went through all these yrs..| decided to give him another chance to be together..| hope he will treasure this chance..which is the very last chance dat |m giving..Laogong, since Heaven is giving us chance to be together once again..may we grow stronger to overcome all hardships, love each other & most importantly treasure wat we are now...| stop clubbing le for a period of time & even IRC..now my pastime is going out with my Laogong with his Xiao Laopo( dats his Suzuki SRAD-750cc bike ) Kekekeke..|m going to settle down with him le..We are buying our own flat soon..waiting to decide which place to choose..Ang Mo Kio..?? Toa Payoh..??? or ???? dunno wer ..Sg so sianz..|ll upload our pic wen |ve scan into my comp..

well | notice quite a lot of pplz using my this blogskin..haiz..free must change le..siansation..my blogskin project havent complete..| too busy with my Laogong mah..lol..no time..~Yawns~ |ll end here ..my Laogong waiting for me to sleep le..Take care pplz..Mish you all Lotsa... ^_^

2004-03-25T05:55:00.000+08:00

Few daes | didnt really update le..nothing to update & dun feel like updating..The pics | took in church also i took out le..| see myself sii beii sianz..Im going to MIA le..You guys cant contact me liao..Firstly,|m going to cut off my hp line...since |ve received many prank calls..& |m getting so fed up of it..Secondly, |ve uninstalled my IRC script watsoever thingy so | wont be going online anymore. Being in IRC makes me reminds of my painful memories so |m gonna stop it. | still haf my msn messenger on so maybe you can find me there if youre lucky..|'ll try to update my stuffz as regular as possible.Todae | took neoprint pic with my 3rd sis in Tampines..but my scanner spoilt so cannot upload..wait till my frewn scan & send me then | will upload.|m taking up web designing now..learning how to do html thingy..well, kinda fed up always cannot find the rite blogskin for my blog so I decided to do my very own..now juz starting on the project..Well, anything you guyz can leave msg in my tag board or email me at lavenderblue81@hotmail.com.Dun miss me wen |m not around..but |ll be missing you...Till we meet again..this is Ir|Nz signing off..God bless.. =)

2004-03-23T13:35:00.000+08:00

Juz woke up not long ago...Again nuaing in front of my pc..| had a dream last nite abt him..|n my dream, | was on my way to the airport when | suddenly received a call from his fren saying dat they on their way to the airport to see me.| didnt say much den | jux hang up the call..|n the airport, | was on the way to the departure gate when | heard someone called my name.| turned around to see and it was HIM...Yeah..| saw his face in my dreamz.| was happy + sad...Happy to see him for the very last time...Sad to leave him forever...| remember | juz stood there looking at him and | was speechless.Then he came up to me and hug me..| burst into tears..He whispered near my ears saying dat he cant bear to see me go..| was happy to hear dat...but | cant..| haf to go..coz | dun wanna get hurt again. I was thinking why cant he appriciate me in the past..now dat | leaving, hes telling me not to go.The whole thing happens like real..| can feel his touch its.. like so real..| woke up suddenly..there i sat on my bed looking around me..| saw my sis slping soundly..| realize it was a dream. A dream dat | wish i could continue to noe the ending.Will | stay or will | leave???..Will |t happen to me in reality when |m going to Canada the time???..will he come and see me for the last time??.| sat there crying..maybe | juz miss him..dats why...|m hoping somewhere he is missing me too...But will he?? Maybe he dun even care what happens to me since were no longer together anymore..For a frickle minded person like him..| juz kept my finger cross..All | haf to do now is motivate myself to move on..fucus what | want in life..Many of my frenz said dat |m lack of focus.| noe wer my mistake lies but | still doing it again..| let my heart control me rather than | control my heart..They say | need to change my lifestyle..Cut down on the IRC thingy. Spend more time wit my frenz,going to church and lead life as the normal pplz do.| admit | loves to nua..Dats why my frenz will come knocking my senses and ask me to go out spend the day wit them..Abt the dream that | had last nite..|m really curious to noe the ending... is it meant for me to find out..wat the ending will be??? though were no longer together, i still haf a bit feelings for him..|m lying if i say no..coz otherwise | wont be sad for so long..| cant accept any guy ..all | wan.. is to live in the spirit of yesterdae...
| shall stop here..|m going to Tampines to find my frenz la kopi..Keep bombing my hp asking wer am | ..Haiyo..cannot wait..Well guess till then..|ll update again at nite..*winkz* (",)

2004-03-23T00:26:00.000+08:00

Todae is juz not my dae...Luke have gone back to Australia. It was a last minute decision for him.I received a call from Ryan2 this afternoon saying dat Luke is on his way to the airport.I was kinda shocked.Immediately I get changed and rushed to the airport.By the time | reached there all I saw were Ryan2, Jennifer, Tony & James.Luke had went in the departure gate..Haiz | was late....too late. | looked at Ryan2, he juz gave me the disapointment look. I blurz...| tried to call Luke hp but he switch it off. Den out of a sudden Jennifer juz came up to me and gave me a slap.." Farking bitch..the one who should leave is you not Luke..." and she went off.I was like so blurz..Everything happened too fast..I dun even know why am | being slap for. Den | juz walked away...never even looking back...I heard Ryan2 calling my name..but | juz ignore n continue my way...| put my hp into silent mode....all i dunn wanna answer...what Jennifer said earlier on realli keeps on replaying in my head....." Farking bitch..the one who should leave is you not Luke..."....| noe its all bcoz of me...Me, Irin always the cause of everything.Maybe shes right the one who should leave is me....|f i would had left earlier all this will not be happening..Haiz..

The rest of the dae i realli no mood le..Walking in the streets alone..dunno wat | thinking..Sumehow | realli feel like ending my life..Juz cross the road and let myself kena bang..finish all the fairytale..Life is like so meaningless..without the one you love..Love..how should | define dat??? | believe in love..but love is not a possesion..If you really love a guy..set him free... let him be happy..Dats wat |m doing..loving a guy,setting him free and let him be happy..Deep within my heart | noe dat no matter how | love him, we can never be together coz |m not the one he loves..We are two different worlds..Though i noe its really painful to see him with another ger..wat can | do...It can never be me..never will & never be..all | can do is cry in silent hoping dat time wil take my pain away..Too much memories too much pain going through..when will the dae come dat | will totally forget him.....|m running out of my fighting spirit...Frenz keep me going..day by day...|ve been sighing olot on love issues...| need love..| need to be loved..why is heaven so cruel to me..| love him & he dun love me..why..why..why...Let me juz die lah...dun make me so miserable in this crude world...| realli dun wanna live anymore..everytime my eyes are filled with sadness...| dun wanna be Ir|nz..Ir|nz is full of sadness...Take me with you my lord...| lose my will to live again.....

2004-03-21T01:15:00.000+08:00

Time to update my blog le...Went to meet Luke for dinner in Suntec.He really treats me very good manz.| kinda dunno wanna give him the letter or not..Wo bu shi de wen | see his happie face..But if i dun give..|m like cheating my ownself..no | dun wanna dat..So | decided to give him eventually ater we ate our dinner.Then we took a stroll to Esplanade.I can see hes really very happy. Am | so evil to break his heart?? Why cant | juz let him love me rather then i love him..Why cant | juz appriciate him?? The problem is | cant..not | dun wan..Hes like too good to be true..|m like having phobia in this relationship. | feel so funny wenever he hold my hand or hug me...Gosh...am | really having phobia in relationship??My heart juz cant accept him..So wen we were enjoying the night sea view which is so enticing..| juz hug him for the very last time..| dunno why my tears start falling..Cant help it..|m an emotional ger..He was so shocked to see me in tears..| juz say nothing..and smile....Well when |ts time to part..| gave him the letter ..and | asked him to open it wen |m gone..Hes kinda in a state of shock..| can feel dat..| hail a cab and went home..| dun even dare to look back...He keep calling my hp..| refuse to ans..so | put silent mode...Why am | so evil???? So | live to my nickname in irc...Ev|L^Ir|Nz...coz | juz broke a guy heart todae..Dunno how many more guys' heart im gonna break...Ha|z...
Juz saw Jojo msg..asking me to go down to Rush..wah piangz..yesterdae juz go nia..saw her there summore..sO | juz reply her |m not feeling well..dun feel like going..Wah.. yesterdae see her,|m damn happie manz..my cheongster buddy leh...Wah Kaoz she juz put ang kong on her left arm..wahh sii beii chio...| also wan..but |m not gonna put on my arm...no no..wait difficult to wear no sleves tops. So | asked her to tell her friend end of the month den | wanna put..After | put | will take pic and upload here let you guys see....kekekeke since |m not going to apply for flight stewardess anymore, | can put le... :x
Omg..saw | got a few missed calls.Got sms summore..Haiz...juz dun feel like answering or replying them...| juz wanna be alone..| wan to MIA...Only my jie called | ans..| told her everything wat happened todae..She sighed..she say dunno wat |m thinking,|ts true..| really dunno wat |m thinking...When will | write abt happiness in this blog..??? When will the dae ever come???...Dat |m really happy...Ha|z..I dunno..really dunno...
Tomorrow got to go church service in the morning..Meeting Clarisse & Paul at sengkang mrt at around 9.15am...Den maybe haf lunch after dat...Then | shall see | wanna see 5566 or not..coz they at Westmall..Damn...so far away..Why cant they come to central area or wat....| hate west area..Take train | can lay eggs...-_- Okey lah..| shall end here..| wanna go buaya le..lolx..got to build up my lan hong skills...oopz... :x lol..till then..*chiaoz*

2004-03-20T19:14:00.000+08:00

2004-03-18T23:26:00.000+08:00

Went to Msia this afternoon with Ryan2..He pump petrol den went to eat den he drives around JB..Sight-seeing..Going to Msia..Ryan2 SURE find me de..lolx..he noes | veri eng mah this whole week..We tok & joke alot..in his car..| was laughing all the way..Wenever we passed by something or an object dats he feels funny he sure will comment it..And all his comments sure make me burst out into laughters..| gave him a nickname,"Comment-King" lol :x Den he parked his car near the seaside where we could enjoy the scenery of the sea....We were toking about our present lives,how we first know each other and so on..then he told me something dats not meant for me to know..He told me the reason why Luke came back to Singapore & why Tony wanted to marry me..The reason why Tony wanna marry me is becoz he wanna see me stop all the sorrows and bitterness dat | went through in relationship.He believe dat he can make me happy and he regreted dat he didnt appriciate me in the past.For Luke..he has realized dat hes falling for me coz everytime wenever im online he will chat wit me till the moment | log off my comp through msn.He came back to SG is to make me his gf ..My jaws nearly dropped to the ground wen | heard Ryan2 tell me all this.| dunno why |m laughing wen | hear it..Maybe |m shocked bah..Ryan2 told me theres more to it but he cant tell me all coz |ts his frenz dats were toking about..so | didnt ask him..He asked me the reason why | rejected Tony's proposal.Well the ans was so obvious |ve got no feelings for him anymore dats why..and | told Ryan2 not to tok abt it anymore..Ha|z and now Ryan2 told me to be prepared coz Luke will jio me stead at anytime...| was like haaaaa..-_- | told Ryan2 | wan life not love..|m tired of love liao..He juz laugh wen | say this..| was wondering so funny meh??? Bu zhi dao..Ha|z..Den after awhile we went back to Sg..
Reached SG at around 7pm heng no jam..Ryan2 sent me to mit my father for dinner in Newton.Went to haf dinner with my father & my new step-mother..sianz see her face..| thought my father alone, wah piangz she come cho teng nia..| wanna tok also difficult.Everytime | tok..comfirm tio shoot by her indirectly.She thinks my eng fail dunno wat shes toking..Wah | beii tahan le..now watever she say sure tio shoot by me..| can see my father reaction dat hes not very happy abt it..so | diam diam dun wanna tok so much le..Wen on the way home my father drop dat irritating woman in Toa Payoh coz she wanna go to her mother hse.Wah | say my goodbye realli mean.." Bye Aunty,Mish you so muchie.Now my turn to pak tor wit moi daddy,Mai jealous hor..*Ev|L Gr|Nz*" Whahaha..| can see her face changed as black as bao zheng,the only different is bao zheng got moon on his forehead but she got piggy on hers.lolx ;x As my father drove off, | told him dat if nez time wanna mit for dinner dun bring her along coz | anti her...My father juz smile onli..Ha|z.| dun wanna smile..| wanna YES..Arrgghh~~
So | reached home at around 10 plus juz reached home onli my jie call me..Wah..| kenna scold like hell manz.She haf read my blog..shhit..|m lost for words..Ha|z..Jie ar..| noe | cannot lie to you..Me pretty excited going to canada is a lie..| juz wanna go there to heal my broken heart..|m not excited at all..|ts like wen Mama asked me to follow her go back..den | will juz follow..| may look happy but in my heart |m still crying..| wanna be strong..But | juz dunno why | cant..|ve lost the will of living so living day by day to me is like | need frenz to keep me going..|m glad | haf frenz dat cares for me..And a jie who is pretty more concern abt me..wat more can | ask..But Jie youre leaving to South Calorina soon..den |m going to be all alone.|n my life..the one dat most dearest to me is my Jie..shes like my pillar of strength..shes there wenever | need her the most..to share my happiness & sorrows..She noes me inside outside, | cannot hide or lie...What | can say.my jie is the BEST..| love ya lotsa,Jie. As | was toking to her on the phn,| receive an incoming call from Luke. |m like so afraid to answer it so | let it be a missed call.| tell my jie all abt it wat Ryan2 had told me todae. She also tio shocked...| really dun wan to go into relationship.| like the way me & luke now..as close friends.|m going to Canada le..| dun wanna be tied down again & history repeats itself | sure commit suicide..| noe | cant run away from him..but |m not ready to face it yet..| juz hope and pray wat Ryan2 said to me todae is a joke..and its onli meant for me to laugh..| really dun wanna it to come true..Haiz...why am | always be in this kind of situation..the guy | like -dun wanna me & the guy | dun realli like -wanna me...~Wo de tianz ah...jio ming ar~

Will | get the answer wat | really want...

Will Adrianz come back and tell me the reasons why...

Will Naruto understand dat | wan peace not war....

Will Luke understand dat |m happy the way we are now....and | dun wanna more then that....

Will my broken heart heals from all the sorrows and sadness dat | go through....

When will the dae ever come true....for all the questions dat | have..there will be an answer...

I wrote a short poem to convey how | realli feels deep down inside..Some of the words may come from a song but its how | realli feels....

| wish | could read wat goes through your mind,
So that | could see the flaws between the lines.
I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes,
It's hard to find the reasons Who can see the rhyme?

All you said to me all the promises you made,
Are they just a bunch of lies of wat youve said??
Tell me youre joking Say it isn't so,
If you wanna know I don't wanna let go.

How can I be smiling eversince when you're gone,
Will I be strong enough without you to carry on.
Somewhere in my memory I've lost all sense of time,
Cos spirit of yesterday is all that fills my mind.

If only wishes could be dreams could come true,
| would dreamz of the day | will be with you.
For I really miss you more each night and day,
Only you can make it right I'm not too proud to say.

Now only memories are left alwayz by my side,
A million tears |ve cried for you | know | cannot hide.
what should | do |m really so sad, really sad..
Everything reminds me wen |m lying on my bed.

|'ll juz end it here..Everything seems so laggy maybe |m too tired....tired to think...tired to continue...

2004-03-18T00:58:00.000+08:00

Hmm..time to update my blog le...juz came bac from Irwin house..well all the my frenz at his house mah..can say all the pplz in the group was there..there were Luke,James,Falicia,Tony,Jasmine,Jane & Ryan2.lata |m going back ter le..to cheong ton merathon..lol..Todae play mahjong win $86 le..al thanks to Irwin's father for training me & guided me throughout the game...wee wee wee..So long never get together le..| mean as all of us in the group..As me,Ryan2,Luke & Jane were playing mahjong,the rest were either nuaing tv or playing ps2...| also hardly see Irwin le although he stay juz bside my block..wah..juz now wen | saw him..dunno why | find dat hes so dark..or rather tann le..maybe he go suntanning ba..coz he love to suntan alot.. ;x
| whole afternoon | nua in front of my pc..~Siansationz~ Den my 2nd sis wanna use the comp so | got to sign out my irc..| cut down on my ciggy le..now 1 pack can last me up to 3 daes..wah wat an achivement..lol..Den my father called..to say he is happy to hear dat finalli im going to canada le..-_- News spread so fast..haiz..must be my sis n her BIG mouth.He so happy dat he asked me for dinner tomolo nite...wah...cant wait to see me go like dat..Hmmpp -_-
Todae sumthing stupid happened in irc..dunno | wanna laff or not..The story goes like this..| jio my fren join in #Rush_Disco .Coz | got xs so i ask my fren to support lah...heres the dialog;
[-]6:16:pm[-] * Joins: v|oS`- (aumjf@bb220-255-242-191.singnet.com.sg)
[-]6:16:pm[-] * Ev|L^Ir|N sets mode: +o v|oS`-
[-]6:20:pm[-] * vodka\out is now known as vodka\ger
[-]6:21:pm[-] <@slaY3r> 2 person using same rnick
[-]6:21:pm[-] <@slaY3r> not bad huh
[-]6:22:pm[-] <@v|oS`-> slaY3r watcha mean?
[-]6:22:pm[-] <@slaY3r> You two trying to be funny
[-]6:22:pm[-] <@v|oS`-> i deauth liaoz
[-]6:22:pm[-] <@slaY3r> no
[-]6:22:pm[-] <@slaY3r> u haven
[-]6:22:pm[-] <@Ev|L^Ir|N> wats wrong???
[-]6:22:pm[-] <@slaY3r> I'm not 2pig
[-]6:22:pm[-] * @slaY3r gonez
[-]6:22:pm[-] <@v|oS`-> *NS@SERVICES.GALAXYNET.ORG* DEAUTH CoLaZz GrAcI3
[-]6:22:pm[-] <@v|oS`-> -NS- ** You must be authenticated to use this command.
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@v|oS`-> oops
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@slaY3r> wow
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@slaY3r> wahaha
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@slaY3r> You're DEAD
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@Ev|L^Ir|N> aaarrhhh~~~~~~~~~~~
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@v|oS`-> *NS@SERVICES.GALAXYNET.ORG* AUTH CoLaZz GrAcI3
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@slaY3r> WAHAHAHAHHAAHAH
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@slaY3r> lalala~
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@v|oS`-> hey dun mess
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@Ev|L^Ir|N> wat you doing?????????????
[-]6:23:pm[-] * @slaY3r not so bo liao
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@v|oS`-> wif moi rnick
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@slaY3r> hahaha
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@slaY3r> mess?
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@slaY3r> nah
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@v|oS`-> plz
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@slaY3r> i wont
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@v|oS`-> i nt using le
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@slaY3r> i will just waah it
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@slaY3r> lolx
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@v|oS`-> i giving to Ev|L^Ir|N
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@slaY3r> HoHoHo
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@slaY3r> so good ar
[-]6:23:pm[-] <@slaY3r> lol
[-]6:24:pm[-] <@v|oS`-> keke
[-]6:24:pm[-] <@slaY3r> intentions?
[-]6:24:pm[-] <@slaY3r> =x
[-]6:24:pm[-] <@v|oS`-> no intention
[-]6:24:pm[-] * @slaY3r gonez
[-]6:24:pm[-] <@v|oS`-> juz frenz
[-]6:24:pm[-] <@Ev|L^Ir|N> enuf~~~~~~~~~~
[-]6:24:pm[-] <@v|oS`-> i dun wanna auth ma
[-]6:24:pm[-] <@Ev|L^Ir|N> shut up
[-]6:24:pm[-] <@v|oS`-> ..
[-]6:29:pm[-] <@slaY3r> wow
[-]6:29:pm[-] <@slaY3r> so clever
[-]6:29:pm[-] <@slaY3r> change ps fast sia
[-]6:29:pm[-] <@slaY3r> lol
[-]6:30:pm[-] <@Ev|L^Ir|N> you veri free hor
[-]6:30:pm[-] <@slaY3r> hahaha
[-]6:30:pm[-] <@slaY3r> no la
[-]6:30:pm[-] <@slaY3r> busy
[-]6:30:pm[-] <@v|oS`-> waha
[-]6:30:pm[-] <@v|oS`-> soli try harder next time
[-]6:30:pm[-] <@slaY3r> i think i know the ps
[-]6:31:pm[-] <@slaY3r> harder?
[-]6:31:pm[-] <@slaY3r> why need to be more hard?
[-]6:31:pm[-] <@v|oS`-> den go change lo
[-]6:31:pm[-] <@v|oS`-> waha
[-]6:31:pm[-] <@v|oS`-> lol
[-]6:31:pm[-] <@slaY3r> haha
[-]6:32:pm[-] <@slaY3r> hai...what for?
[-]6:32:pm[-] <@slaY3r> no point,
[-]6:32:pm[-] <@slaY3r> hai
you see....| first time got XS kenna make fun le..Haiz..den never mind..| show you something more interesting..
[-]6:25:pm[-] <+slaY3r> hahaa......
[-]6:26:pm[-] <+slaY3r> buddy
[-]6:26:pm[-] <@ling`afk-> ?
[-]6:26:pm[-] <+slaY3r> tell u sth
[-]6:26:pm[-] <+slaY3r> lol
[-]6:26:pm[-] <+slaY3r> damn funny
[-]6:26:pm[-] <+slaY3r> wahaha
[-]6:26:pm[-] <@ling`afk-> uh huh?
[-]6:26:pm[-] <@ling`afk-> hahaha
[-]6:26:pm[-] <+slaY3r> rem that mark ?
[-]6:26:pm[-] <@ling`afk-> ?
[-]6:26:pm[-] <@ling`afk-> mark?
[-]6:26:pm[-] <@ling`afk-> ?
[-]6:26:pm[-] <@ling`afk-> *Scratch headd*
[-]6:26:pm[-] <+slaY3r> he dunno what tell his auth thingy
[-]6:26:pm[-] <+slaY3r> to ppl
[-]6:26:pm[-] <+slaY3r> rem?
[-]6:26:pm[-] <@ling`afk-> errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
[-]6:26:pm[-] * Joins: s|n`o_O (Kev_@bb-203-125-28-247.singnet.com.sg)
[-]6:26:pm[-] <@ling`afk-> no.
[-]6:26:pm[-] <+slaY3r> i dunno his name le
[-]6:26:pm[-] <+slaY3r> anway
[-]6:26:pm[-] * Quits: INJURRY (qjycsu@cm145.omega166.maxonline.com.sg) (Write error, closing link)
[-]6:26:pm[-] <+slaY3r> got this guy copy paste the rnick thingy
[-]6:26:pm[-] <+slaY3r> wahha
[-]6:26:pm[-] <@ling`afk-> kns
[-]6:26:pm[-] <+slaY3r> what should i do wth it ?
[-]6:27:pm[-] <@ling`afk-> lousy fella
[-]6:27:pm[-] * +slaY3r thinking
[-]6:27:pm[-] <@ling`afk-> hack lar
[-]6:27:pm[-] <@ling`afk-> duh
[-]6:27:pm[-] <+slaY3r> should i ?
[-]6:27:pm[-] <@ling`afk-> change its pw everything
[-]6:27:pm[-] <+slaY3r> whaha
[-]6:27:pm[-] * Joins: KinG_DeVi (leprichaun@WOPR-p-144-134-26-31.prem.tmns.net.au)
[-]6:27:pm[-] * Parts: cool^dude (cool_dude@211.44.35.166)
[-]6:27:pm[-] <+slaY3r> siao
[-]6:27:pm[-] <+slaY3r> i not so bo liao
[-]6:27:pm[-] <+slaY3r> lolx
[-]6:27:pm[-] <@ling`afk-> .u r
[-]6:27:pm[-] <@ling`afk-> =)
[-]6:27:pm[-] <+slaY3r> i got a plan
[-]6:27:pm[-] <@ling`afk-> oops
[-]6:27:pm[-] <+slaY3r> cya
[-]6:27:pm[-] <@ling`afk-> =X
[-]6:27:pm[-] <+slaY3r> bbl
[-]6:27:pm[-] <@ling`afk-> -.-
[-]6:27:pm[-] <@ling`afk-> ok
[-]6:29:pm[-] * Quits: ling`afk- (18.oct.03@cm82.gamma134.maxonline.com.sg) (Quit (‡•"...[[ love is all about trust ]]..."•‡))
[-]6:29:pm[-] <+slaY3r> argh
[-]6:29:pm[-] <+slaY3r> my plan failed
[-]6:29:pm[-] <+slaY3r> he change ps
[-]6:29:pm[-] <+slaY3r> damn it
Veri Evil hor??? Shooting who???My fren ar??? pplz so free to do all this hor??? Veri fun hor??? |m the one who change the ps..| maybe noobz..but |m a fast learner.. | see tio shocked coz |m busy in #dateless getting my xs..| realli FEEL like shooting him back but | think of it..suan le ba..| dun wan to declare war...~Sianzsationz~ So | told my fren to ignore him mai tok so muchie..| dun wanna declare war....My frenz tio shocked.why | suddenly so diff..coz normalli this kind of thingy | sure veri bei song de mah..haiz..| juz tell him somethings are better to be left unsaid...| wan peace not war....Sometimes wen | think of it..dunno wats his thinking manz..He gave me the feeling like | cannot haf xs like dat..Watever his thinking maybe..| dun bother...coz | already say | wanna peace not war...Ha|z..-__-
Now | no mood to type le...Forgive & forget bah..| shall stop here le..|m going to irc chat chat le...*chiaoz*

2004-03-16T04:56:00.000+08:00

Ive changed my blog song..to my all time fave..from SClub 7.."Never Had A Dream Come True"..
This song means alot to me..juz pay attentionz to the lyrics...|ts all | wanna say..enjoyz..

S CLUB 7 LYRICS

"Never Had A Dream Come True"

Everybody's got something they had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it should be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you know

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

Somewhere in my memory
I've lost all sense of time
and tomorrow can never be cos yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it should be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be

You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, say you will, you know you will
Oh baby, you'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back or wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try I just can't say goodbye
No no no no

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say (words to say)
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be
A part of me will always be with you

2004-03-16T00:54:00.000+08:00

I want to move on..| realli need to think of my future..| juz received an email from mama..shes coming back to SG in june..to attend my mum's wedding..Shes asking me to go back with her..which most probably | will...|m ready to face it alone...All by myself..|m ready to start anew...|ts time | realli let go of everything and move on...| wan to achive something in life..| dun wanna be a failure..juz to park my backside at home...|t wont get me anywer..| wan to be the Ir|Nz who dare to dreamz..A dreamz which will come true...| can do it...| want to achive something in my life...|ve made up my mind...| wanna be happy..realli happy....

For Adrianz,|ts been 5 months to nearly half a year since youve been gone..though after so long..|ve still havent let go ...| will wait for you to come back to me and tell me the ans..why...| noe you wanna the best for me..you think by juz walking away will make me happie..but youre wrong ..youre juz hurting me more..| noe you feel inferior to Francis..but |ve given Francis up..for dunno how long...| dun need him in my life anymore.. the onez | need is you...why cant you get the picture...|ve been crying since the dae you walk away..The promises that we made...that | will wait for you to finish NS..dat we will go Canada together..still lies within me..But this time..| will go Canada first..and | will not say goodbye to you..Though | noe the chances are slim..but | still hope dat you will come & find me in Canada..| believe in fate which its You who make me believe it..remember its fate dat brought us together..| dunno you,you dunno me,we noe each other in chatroomz and more weird is dat we were ex neighbour and we dun even noe dat...|n life its always full of surprises...Though | wanna move on..youll still be in my memory forever..| will not get into serious relationship anymore..for |m the onez getting hurt in the end...Deep within my heart | will still wait for you..no matter wat happens..no matter how far apart we are ...| will pray everydae..for your return...Your face will always be an image in my mind..It will always be..and always will....

For NaRuTo-_-, What is past is past...|m sorry if | make you veri uncomfortable wen youre with me..All the sadness |ve go through bcoz of you...is finally over...| wan to move on...Youre my recent & last stead |m gonna haf..after you, | wont go stead le..even if | go stead,| wont treat my stead as how good | treat you..|m tired of all this..| juz wanna to flirt around...coz | dun wanna get hurt again..|ve learnt my lesson...Wenever | see your nick in irc..|m not as excited as before..how can | define it..the feeling..is like..oh...no kick...maybe the feeling has faded away...maybe wat | haf for you is infatuation not real love....| dunno maybe |m confuse..but | noe my feeling for adrianz is true...Wenever | would like to say hi to you even as a friend...|m kinda scared ..scared dat you will haf the wrong thinking...|m realli getting over it..|m not the type to make enemy with my ex...|ve learned to forgive and forget...| wan to move on...so pls dun be mistaken...|m onli treating you as a friend not more than that..| jux hope dat we can put all the unhappiness behind us & be on the toking terms again...as FRIENDS....and i realli mean it..if onli you could read my blog..maybe youll understand me more...=)

Now my life is being with my friends..., go clubbing..can say everyweek | go clubbing, go ktv....and so on..beside wking my pt job as a waitress & helping in my cousin's spa...| simply cant wait to go to Canada to start anew..|ve check wat courses i can study there..and |ll be working in my uncle's restaurant or his research IT company. |m pretty excited of my new promise life..Noe wat..my buddy, Dwight is going to migrate to Canada too..wow..but he will not be in Vancouver which | will be in..He will be joining me end of the year..wen his mum visa has settle....But at least | have a friend or two in Canada...Im not lonely anymore...with my personality..| can easily make friends..( bhb hor..kekeke lol ;x)....For my friends in SG ..| will keep in touch...through emails,msn or even irc....My lord..you have wake me up from my slp..in my slp | dreamt dat | will jux slack my life away...but no..youve open my eyes and shown me the brighter,promises of life dat i can have..The paths dat i can choose to lead...The choice is mine..|ve noe wat | want now.. my lord..and | will claim it....Praise be with the lord...Amen....

2004-03-15T00:37:00.000+08:00

For 3 daes le | never update my blog..Well so todae |m going to do an up-to-date onez...so |m gonna write a long long one...

Friday 12 March 2004

Went to Malaysia with Ryan2 as he is driving in.He wants to colour his hair while | juz do hair treatment onli..Thinking of changing my hair colour..but guess not so soon ba..Then we went to eat and shop around..Around evening he sent me to Suntec City to meet my jie & her friends..Den went to church for bible study until arond 9 plus den went to chill out awhile with jie and then went home..Nothing much happen..or rather | cant recall that much...lolx :x

Saturday 13 March 2003

Went to James's chalet in the afternoon..coz its his bdae.Well Ryan2 & me bought for him a Pierre Cardin boxer and a box of condom(well..he juz got a gf..it will come in handy..lol ;x ) Drank quite a few bottle of vodka ...den at nite..went to Boat Quay Chocolate Bar to celebrate his bdae together with Thomas..It was so much fun ..we were drinking dunno like wat..dat toopid Thomas make me drank waterfall & lambogini(dunno is it spelt like this) arrrgghhh~~ cannot resist..| was pretty high le..so | took a break and sat outside by the river..Den came Janice,Sam, Tony & Ryan2..accompany me.Den omg..| started to vomit..wah..hen xing ku de..guess | drannk too much le..its a miracle | didnt get drunk this time onli high nia..So Tony went to get for me a bottle of mineral water..| juz pour the water over my face..wah..realli feel so relief..Around 12 plus | asked Tony to drive me home...So reached home nearly 1am..went to haf shower den log on my comp to check mails & irc at the same time..Den as |m checking mail..| saw a mail from my jie..It was Adrian's pic..wah tmd taken through webcam..wow..| was kinda suprised+shocked+happie+sad..watever..its kinda a mixed feeling..For all | noe | keep staring at his pic....Haiz..all the memories is back flashing...| miss the times | spent with him,Miss the laugh | used to get from him,| miss his voice..most of all | juz miss him..~AAArrgghhh~..boy..| realli miss him alot...my heart sank wen | think of him..god damn it..| dunno why | saved his pic and put it as my wallpaper..he looks so yan daoz..juz like takeshi..| cant help but keep on smiling....

Sunday 14 March 2004

Gosh..finalli |m updating todaes event..*pheww* my hands getting tired le..lolx...Well woke up around 12 plus todae..went to haf showerden nua in front of my comp...haiz..wanna smoke no ciggy le..so put my away status in irc and went down to buy ciggy..on my way down..Tony called and asked wer am |...coz we supposed to go ktv lor lata..so since |m not ready yet..| asked them to come to place while waiting for me..so shortly they arrived..| went back with them..Wah..at my hse..all the horns came out le..James was blasting techno over my home theater so the whole hse was like a disco..lolx..den | go prepare to go ktv le..then wen | wanna quit | ask taka to help me see my quit msg..coz | put adrianz name ther..dunno why..juz feel like putting..
Den we went to chinatown the ktv..dunno wat name..Tea Lover...sumthing like dat..haiz..| went ther nua..lolx..hear them sing..all of them we singing like hell..wah piangz..Den..Luke ( my good guy frewn who juz return from Australia) jio me sing a duet with him..a chn song sumore..omg..my chn sux manz..It was a song by Jacky Cheung & Kit Chan..| dunno wat title but i noe the song so at least not so bad i can still sing..lolx..Manz..|m damn shy so | was blushing all over..wat a song..haiz..love song..sianz~~~...Den we went to eat dinner in chinatown..Den Luke send me home coz he was riding..as wen we reached my house carpark, Luke took out the itemz dat he bought for me from australia..Wow..there was chocolates,tanktop & this particular Item..wow..its a glass with my pic that i send him through email the other time with a msg " Specially for Dearest Ir|Nz, May you stay happy always..Luv,Luke.." | was like wow..amazing...kekeke i juz cant keep on smiling..|m realli touched..he make an effort to buy dat specially for me.. =)
Back at hm ..|m all alone..coz my two sis went to stay over at their bfs place, my mum went on biz trip to aust this morn will only be bac on tues nite...so |m the queen of my castle..Here | am staring at Adrian pic again..|ve been thinking to myself..eversince Adrian left me..|ve been flirting for 5 mths..Sometimes | wonder maybe | should juz flirt around dun care abt realli going into relationship with all my heart..Haiz..coz in the end |m the one getting hurt..so |t like no point...haiz...| realli dunno wat to say le..| end here..my fingers tired liao...Nitey pplz..*winkz*

2004-03-13T17:02:00.000+08:00

As |m killing time to go out...|ve attached some of my thoughts....on Love..I read it in an article..so i marely put all the important points together..well found dat it became pretty meaningful..It realli haf wat | wanna say....

Finding Love

So what has life realli offered you?? There will be four ppl you will meet in life. Life is a process of finding love; every person will need to find four ppl in their life..The first person is You.Second person is the one you love most, Third person is the one who love you most, And the fourth is the one you spend the rest of your life with. In life, firstly you will meet with the one you love most, and learn how love feels.Because you know how love feels, so you can find the person who loves you most. When you have experienced the feeling of loving others and being loved, you will then know what it is you need most Then you will find the person who is most suitable for you, to be able to spend the rest of your life with. Sadly, in real life, these three people are usually not the same person. The one you love most doesnt love you. The one, who love you most, is never the one you love most. And the one you spend your life with, is never the one you love most or the one who love you most. He is just the person who happens to be at the right place at the right time.Which person are you in other people's life? No person will purposely have a change of heart. At the point in time when he loves you, he really loves you. But when he doesnt love you anymore, he really doesnt love you anymore. When he loves you, he cant pretend that he doesnt. Same goes, when he loves you no more, there's no way he can
pretend he loves you.When a person doesnt love you and wants to leave you. You must ask yourself if you still love him, If you also dont love him anymore, do not keep him just to save your pride.If you still love him, you should wish him happiness, and hope that he will be with the one he loves most, not stop him from it. If you stop him from finding true happiness with the one he loves, it shows you already dont love him, And if you dont love him, what rights do you have to blame him for a change of heart? Love is not possessive, If you like the moon, you cant just take it down and put it in your basin, But the moonlight still shines upon you ..In other words, when you love a person, you can use another method of possessing the person. Let him become a permanent memory in you life. If you really love a person, you must love him for what he is. Love him for his good points, and the bad,You cant wish for him to become like what you like him to be just because you love him. If he cant change to become what you like him to be, you dont love him anymore.?? When you really love a person, you cannot find a reason why you love him, You only know that no matter when and where, good mood or bad mood, you will wish to have this person be with you. Real love is when two people can go through the toughest problems without asking for promises or listing criterias. In a relationship, you have to put in effort and give in at times, not always be on the receiving end. Being away from each other is a type of test, If the relationship isnt strong, then you can only admit defeat.Real love will never become hate. When two people are in love, They love to ask each other to swear, to make promises..Why do they ask each other to swear and promise....Because they dont trust each other, they dont trust their lover. These swear and promises are useless..Till the sky falls, till the ocean dry, my love for you will never change! We all know that the sky will never fall; the ocean will never dry.. Even if it does happen, are we still alive by then? Be careful when making promises; dont make promises that you cannot keep. Swear by things that can never happen, because it can never happen, so no harm just saying it casually. Remember, ?Swearing by things that can never happen are the most touching!!? |n a relationship, what you say is one thing, but what you do is another; The one saying, doesnt believe; the one listening, also doesnt believe. Which person have you found so far?In the world so big, which person have you found?..And who has found you? ....

2004-03-12T00:21:00.000+08:00

Went for the check-up early this morning at Mount Elizaberth Hospital. Took the Pap Smear Test...the result will be out in 7 days time.Then wen to have my tummy scanned..thank god the swollen has subsided..Actualli there more to it..but sometimes some things are better to be left unsaid...| cannot imagined im going through this all alone..| was given a couple of medicine ,was told to rest at hm & eat more iron foods as my blood pressure was realli very low..dats why | faint quite often lately...not enuf iron..haiz...
After check-up, | went home..nua on my pc..Then it started to rain heavily.Haiz..~ sianzsationz~ |m waiting for the clock to strike 5pm..coz dats wen my ex-classmate, Jon, will come & fetch me to go out.We went to haf dinner in Suntec City b1 the chinese restaurant.| didnt realli ate dat much coz | juz dun haf the appitite to eat..After which we go gai gai..then he send me home.
| reached hm at abt 10 plus nearly 11pm.Well its like kinda my daily routine to reach hm around this time.But todae | suay...saw my mum under the voideck..haiz...she start singing her song (Nag lah) from sengkang to jurong... -_- Keep on telling me going out with different guys everytime..Arrgghh..go out with frewnz also wrong..sumore call me Flirt..She havent see how | realli flirt..One fine dae | sure flirt give her see & let her bo wei gong.....
My good frewnz, Michelle, was asking me wether wanna go Rendang Island with her bf & groups in mid april..sounds kinda interesting..| will consider as long time | never go out with her le.Well we used to be cheongster buddies from Planet Paradim to Rush..lolx..Toking abt cheonging...hmmm tomolo fridae nite..well..dunno wanna go cheong or not..received a sms from Momo asking got go cheong tomolo not..haiz...see my mood ba.. :x
As daes goes by, |m like everydae going out with frewnz in the evening till nite...this weekend..| got 2 birtthdae parties to attend...one in chalet one in boatquay..hmm...dunno wat to buy for them..guys summore..think i will buy boxers for them ba..lolx :x | cant wait till this Sun, my good guy frewnz is coming bac from Australia..wooo..dunno got buy back for me chocolates not... :x Well we spent many happy times together wen | was back in Australia..so my guy frewnz group decided to celebrate his return in a ktv as he loves to sing alot...haiz..| dun sing so guess | go there nua...listen...to them sing..lolx..kekekeke..
Tomolo early in the morn | got to send my 3rd sis to sch..den go eat breakfast with my 2nd sis..whahaha i can use my mum's car..no need to take bus..den at 11am | got interview with the slimming centre Cenosis as front desk officer or slimming consultant..| see which post more suitable for me tomolo ...haiz..think i stop here le..| wanna go irc liao..kekekeke buaya againz..lolx.. ;x juz joking..im juz a noob..not pro..kekeke..till then ..Nitey...*winkxwinkz* =)

2004-03-11T16:11:00.000+08:00

Well as | promise the lyrics is here....so its as follows..enjoy~~

GARETH GATES LYRICS

"Anyone Of Us (Stupid Mistake)"

I've been letting you down, down
Girl I know I've been such a fool
Giving in to temptation
When I should've played it cool
The situation got out of hand
I hope you understand

[Chorus]
It can happen to..
Anyone of us, anyone you think of
Anyone can fall
Anyone can hurt someone they love
Hearts will break
'Cause I made a stupid mistake
It can happen to..
Anyone of us, say you will forgive me
Anyone can fail
Say you will believe me
I can't take my heart will break
'Cause I made a stupid mistake
A stupid mistake

She was kind of exciting
A little crazy I should've known
She must have altered my senses
'Cause I offered to walk her home
The situation got out of hand
I hope you understand

[Chorus]

A stupid mistake
she means nothing to me
(nothing to me)
I swear every word is true
don't wanna lose you

2004-03-11T04:11:00.000+08:00

Kinda sianz of the song Lost Without You..well..|ve change it to one of my all time fave.. Anyone Of Us by Gareth Gates..| will attach the lyrics pretty soon...till then..chiaoz..*winkz*

2004-03-10T23:22:00.000+08:00

Juz came back from dinner.We went to eat Japanese food in takashimaya.Then we went for a stroll in east coast park.Luckily it was not raining....I picked a place near the jetty so that | could tell him how | realli feels.I was kinda afraid to let him noe at first coz |m afraid dat i would hurt him but | guess dats the onli way to be....As we sat on the bench...I slowly & calmly tell him dat | cant accept his proposal as | return his ring to him..I can see the dissapointment look in him.He asked me the reason why...so | juz reply him it was too sudden for me...." You lied~~..the main reason is you still thinking of him..is he worth it??? You still cant get him out of your mind dats why..!!! " my jaw drop wen he said dat...|m realli lost of words...i juz dunno wat to say..why are you reminding me of him again???|m trying my veri best to forget him..why must you bring the matter up again??? |m juz a human who neeeds a break..|m realli physically and mentally tired..pls..spare me~~| juz walked away without replying him...even as he called my name | didnt even looked back...| juz keep on walking..and he chase behind me...| feel like crying wen the memories of me & him juz flashed across my mind..| keep telling myself dat I must be strong..| must be strong..yet | noe in my heart |m juz consoling myself...haiz~~~He drive me home shortly and wen we reached my place..both of us kept quiet for a min or two...| juz dunno wat to say...so | opened the car door and as I was going out..he called my name.." Ir|Nz, you may reject me for now..but |ll never give you up and Ill still wait for you to come back to my side...." I juz closed the door without even replying him...-_-

Back at home..| cant used the comp coz my mother is using it so | lie on my bed staring at the ceiling.Suddenly my hp rang...It was Jeremy the stupid ex bf of mine..haiz..dunno wat he wants.So | |et it be and put the phone aside..after I put in vibration mode.I stared at my ceiling for a while..dunno wat | was thinking... | juz stared at the ceiling...~ siansationz~ | hear my hp vibrating again..so I went to take a look..wooo got 5 missed calls..not onli dat stupid Jeremy's also got Tony's,Ryan2's and David's. Haiz...wat they all want...then suddenly..|van dearie called me...wee wee wee we talked for quite long i guess before we hang up coz my mum called me to do some stuffz.|van dearie~~ hmmm..a nice guy to chat with and my fellow vampy in my realmz..lolx.We called it the realm of vampz..kekekeke pretty cool hur..*winkz*Really happy & enjoy talking to him..| was laughing through out the way..kekeke...

Tomorrow morning,| got appointment for check up in Mount Elizaberth Hospital..haiz.to check my tummy whether still swollen of any internal injuries..as | fall and hurt my tummy the other time..And to have pap smear test taken as well..Arrghhh...|m quite afraid of pain...| juz keep my finger cross.. :x
Guess |ll stop here ba..my hand kinda tired of typing le..Till then, miss ya guyz..wan an..sweetest dreamz of all...

2004-03-10T14:30:00.000+08:00

Juz feel like updating my blog...lata in the evening |m going out with Tony for dinner.| noe hes still waiting for my ans.| jux dunno how to tell him dat | dun wanna get married so soon..|ve not settle down my heart yet..Wait till | see the sunshine ..once again. I know hes trying his veri best to cheer me up..asking me not to think abt it.. I noe he cares for me..he wants to see the bubbly part of me..once again.Tony...| need time to adjust myself..time to realli forget abt the whole thing..though the period is short, | feels alot for him..|ts not so easy jux to forget like dat..coz | never flirt with him..| wish | am flirting with him so | wont be feeling this sad..unfortunately |m not....

Tony...|f i were to reject your proposal...will you hate me for it?? will you not treat me like you do now???| like you for who you are..but |m sori to say dat | dun have dat feeling for you anymore...| think we juz remain as good friends ba..| realli got no heart to go into relationship..| juz wan to spend my time with my friends hanging around,bioing yandaoz and laughing all the dae through.Let me be single for the time being..| realli dun wanna be in a relationship...wat more to marry you..| dun wanna make a harsh decision...| dun wanna living regreting it...Tony...|m sori..forgive me...we are still the best of friends.....

2004-03-10T00:53:00.000+08:00

Todae | went out with Tony again for a while.|m not sure if we were together..| juz leave as it is..Haiz...He ask me out for a movie..but | was not in the mood..so i reject him nicely.So we ended up gai gai in town area.Then we pass by this one bridal boutique,He stopped me and said, " Dear..youll look good in dat white gown.." I juz smilez.. -__- He realli like wanna marry me like dat.Haiz...
So | pulled his hand and proceed to the arcade to play game.We played the KOF for a while..Wah piangz..he so the tyco..always hit combo counter my attack.Arrrgghhh~~ I soo the kuku long time no play le..lolx.suan le ba..
Time pass veri fast..wen |m not at home. So after dinner he drive me home.When | reached home, | saw my sis using the comp..haiz...so cho teng..so | went to take my shower. Feeling bored..| decided to clean my wardrobe..as | opened my cupboard i saw the ring that Tony present to me.| sat at my bed sighing wen | looked at the ring..haiz...| realli dunno how to tell him..dat | dun hav dat special feeling for him animore.Somehow..its better to be loved then to love someone..| dun wanna get married for the sake of marrying..| wan to get married to the man | love, to the one | wanna grow old with..to the one | wan to walk my journey of life with.Im now so lost in love.Lost without you...I love this song..veri meaningful to me..so | make it my theme song.watever i wanna say is all in the lyrics of the song..
Sometimes | realli wonder..Have you ever love me?? The dae we broke off..you seems so cool..like nothing happenz. Are you being immature in thinking or am | thinking too much..dat all this is juz a game for you..you can still ask me whether | feel anithing wen we broke up..Arrrghhhh~~ LAME QUES!!! I am so foolish..to have stayed in SG.why am | so foolish!!!!!!???? why????God..give me a reason why??? Now | realli hate myself.| hate the memories we had..| delete all | noe abt you..| realli dun wanna remember them..youve caused me too much grive..Till todae | still cant let go..I wanna be the |rinz dat | used to be..but now..|m like so depressed..,|ve been smoking 2 packs of ciggy daily..|m like so stressed...think | spent my $$$ more on my ciggy den my food expenses.Haiz...
| hate the way | am..now...maybe | should go for a getaway..to relax myself..|m thinking of going to cruise..well....wait i scared i seasick..i cannot make it.Sianz~~ Nez week den decide ba..whether wanna go genting or thailand.Nez week school holidae..ah boy's group sure go travelling..den i can cho teng along.Sumehow...| suddenly haf the mood to go travelling..arrgghh~~~ mai think abt it liao..From todae onwards | must jia yo...if | can try to love Tony again..| might consider marrying him.Well guess | got to spend more time with him in future..|ll keep my finger cross....

For the one who juz hurt me..|m realli hurt by the way you do things. Al this thing started due to your lackness in communicationx.You dun wan me its your loss..|ve believe ive done my veri best to save the relationship but its you who didnt see it..and let it fall apart.theres no right or wrong in love..jux dat maybe we think differently.|ll seen the good & bad side of you..sadly youll never wanna see the good side of you..all you see is the dark side of you..|m utterly dissapointed in you.Though |m still angry with you for toying my feeling..deep within my heart..| pray dat one dae..if youll find the one you truly love.. treasure & appriciate her..Never hurt a ger anymore..youll never noe the sadnees the ger is going through..you could never imagine..trust me...Lastly,from the bottom of my broken heart, | wish you all the veri best in all you do..as long as your happy..| will be happy for you..Remember to take care of your self...and dun be so lazy...haiz~~ Think |ll stop here le..my tears are falling...| dun wanna think abt it anymore...Or |ll get emotional...I go rest le..Nitey...pplz..remember to thug in your blankets..its kinda cold outside..especially you..take care..sleep tight & sweet dreamz...

2004-03-09T09:32:00.000+08:00

When | needed you th3 most

I Just Want To Be Held & Loved.
Where Is That Love? Is It Lost.
I Never Knew Love To Hurt So Much.
Where Did I Go Wrong? Wanting To Belong.
My Heart Was Broken. Soul Betrayed
It Feels Like Jagged Broken Glass!

Love Lost, How Can I Go On?
Lord From Heaven, Help Me Love Again.
Deep Within Is A Trust That Shattered.
Something So Beautiful, Now Gone!
Oh It Hurts; Never To See Love Again.
Love Confided, But Now Deprived!

My Heart Won`t Stop Crying.
Love Left When I Needed It The Most
Just Like The Song Goes.
But I Miss You More Than I Missed You
Before And Now, Where I'll Find Comfort,
God Knows 'Cause You Left Me
Just When I Needed You Most!!!

2004-03-09T09:30:00.000+08:00

From the bottom of my broken heart

Jagged petals and
shattered stars,
why should I worry
where you are?

Broken vows and
frozen smiles
the hollowed lies
that linger for awhile.

Staring eyes and
shattered heart;
However did we drift
so far apart?

Why should I care,
why cant I cry;
why do I feel
like i want to die.

Hands empty and
life no longer bright;
fallen down on knees
Im such a sorry sight.

Biting nails and
unkept hair;
Just another day,
pain everywhere.

Walking lonely and
Im finally done;
My new journey is
to find the sun.

2004-03-09T07:46:00.000+08:00

Haiz....wat a dae manz..not onli its raining..|m so suay as well.The job dat i used to work in Motorola..|m not wking der anymore.The place sux.Maybe its me dat hav no patience to wk there.Well..the job is actualli veri easy.My job is jux to assist the engineers on the testing of the hps.Im wking with all the male species around me so its kinda fun..and got yandaos too..woooo..lolx.Todae..| quarrel with one bitch..maybe shes jealous dat |m surrounded by yandaoz..and |m kinda popular there everywer | go ppl would say hi to me..maybe |m too friendly ba..Tmd..todae she bey song with me..ask me go to other dept to wk..Even the engineers ask me not to go..who is she manz.Wah piangz..she go & tell the sup summore ask me to go the other dept..wah lao eh...she sii beii eng leh..!~@#$%^ | dulan | call my agent say mai wk liao..the dept | got to go sux..must go cleanroom area at times..wait i must wear like ninja..mai mai mai..
-_-||

Before | go back..| see her at the locker room..wah..| sii beii hot..she sure kena from me.I scold her upside down,left right,front back.| so dulanz | realli feel like giving her tight slap..wen | see her kuai lan face.Arrrgghhh!!!!!! !@#$%@#$%^#$%^&$%^&*

So |m not wking ter le..she wanna go bitch around also | dun care..Singapore not lack of yandaoz | no need to scare not wking ter | wont die. They maybe yandaoz but most of them are a bunch of noobz.~Sianzsationz..~ lolx :x

Lata |m going for another interview.This time |m going bac to the wellness industry bah.My interest still there de.Lata going for Cenosis for interview..den mitting Tony for lunch.Haiz..Tony ar..|m still thinking abt your proposal.|m realli at lost..will you give me time to realli think abt it?? Seriously..hes a nice guy..after all the ups & downs dat we went through..hell make a good hubby.But the problem lies with me...will | be a good wife?? will | be happy with him?? The feeling is not ter le..He jux chose the wrong timing to pop dat ques.|m juz being hurt..I dun think i wanna be in a relationship anymore.Wen to think of it..| realli wan a guy who will love me & appriciate me whole-heartly.Im realli tired of in & out of relationships..wen will my heart ever settle down??? |m so in delama..Tony...all | need is time..will you wait for me???.....

2004-03-09T01:09:00.000+08:00

Its been raining since juz now...juz like its raining in my heart since yesterdae eversince we broke up. | can still feel the pain..still fresh in my mind..Why must i fall for him..Am | blind?? | want to hate him..but | cant.Love me but cant be together??? wat kind of theory is this?? Lies pack of lies.I hate this theory.
Kinda stess in the afternoon around at 4 plus..| went for a spin.My mum nag le..nex time cannot used the car..since |ve been using it regularly.haiz...if onli | haf my own...In the car..suddenly my hp rang..It was Tony, my ex of one yr ago. I met up wit him in bugis for coffee.We talk and joke alot.At dat moment of time | forget the sadness in me..then we went to spin around..this time he drives the car..|m kinda happy wen | see the smile on his face..so kawaii..wat more he got dimples.(droolin~)hehehe...we settle for a place in east coast..we were in the car..coz it was rainy so cant get out. We talk abt our life in the past wen were together..memories...I juz smile wen he say he cant forget me..I dunno wat to say..for | hav no more feeling for him le..dat special kind of feelings.I told him were good friends..then we started to talk the sadness in me..I get carried away & emotional..so | cried as i let out my sorrow. He huggged me..for the first time after so long.I feel kinda secure with him..As he wiped away my tears, | smile and blushed. Im abit shy..after so long eversince we broke off..| never hug him again. haiz..Den out of sudden the tell me the reasons he wanna mit me.Well we did keep in touch..by phone..coz at that time | got stead so not veri convience to mit. So suddenly he pop up a ques dat shock my life.."Ir|Nz..we noe each other for few yrs liao by now..after all dall we went through last time..I cannot forget you or ever let go the memories of us togerther.Hereby..| would like you to marry me and be my wife..| promise to take care of you & not let you get hurt anymore..will you pls marry me?"..haiz.. his word still fresh in my mind.
I looked at the ring he present to me..It was indeed the diamond ring..the one | told him dat | like.. wen we went out a month ago.We saw it at Soo kee Jewellery.Now |m still confused..dunno wanna accept or not..Things happen to fast le..Im still thinking...haiz..lata den update again..kinda out of things to say le..

2004-03-08T16:43:00.000+08:00

Yesterdae..i realli no mood to update my blog.Im super sad...too sad to write ..| thank the lord for letting me noe the ans....the ans dats keeps me in confusion.Finally its all over...Its it a blessing in disguise...for me to start anew..| dunno..|m juz too sad to think.Im thinking of going back to canada..to let time heal my broken heart..|ve been hurt again..Why is it me..dats always being hurt?? Is my heart so good to be hurt..?? |ve tried my best to save the relationship..|ve tried to compromise, |ve tried to give in..Is my heart not big enuf ??? you tell me....You promise not to hurt me..wen |m suppose to go to canada the other time..you tell me dat you are scared dat | might leave you..in the end..who is the one leaving..its YOU..not me.Here | am stuck with all the memories of you and me.Am | being so foolish to believe you..??? Why cant i let you see..dat you realli means alot to me..Havent | go through enuf for you..why bother to go stead in the first place???...Try??? coz youll never noe without trying??? Aaarrgghhhh!!!! Am | so good to be experimental with??? I hate it,Manz!!I hate Chamistry!!
Everytime I hear your fav song...how can i not feel so sad...Everytime wen I see your nick..how can | not feel sad..All | think abt is the memories we had..haiz...| realli no mood to tok abt it..| feel damn farking failure...sianz..I go out for a spin ba..haiz..raining..nevermind..still can..Sianz at hm...lata then update again...

2004-03-07T19:04:00.000+08:00

Well..| juz came bac from my spin.As | drive, my mind is full thoughts..haiz..| gave him to tell me his ans by the time i came bac from my spin.| went to pasir ris park,park my car and sat by the sea.| look at the calm sea..| started to ponder my thoughts of him.|n silence as i closed my eyes,| pray to the lord.."My beloved Lord, here | am again seeking for your help. | feel so lost..so lost in the game called Love. My Lord..wen | broke up with adrian the other time, | ask you to harden my heart and close all the the windows of my soul.For | will flirt with all the male species and make them suffer with me. | have archived that.Within 2 months i can make 6 guys to fall in love with me. Den after which | will juz walk away...| noe dat im veri cruel to play with ppls feelings.But wat me?? Who make me like this?? Its the MALE SPECIES. Its bcoz of dat adrian |m like this.Not onli | lost my confidence in relationship, in guys and most importantly MYSELF. | feel so dishearted, so lost, so meaningless. | juz wanna slack....slack & waste all my life through.Why my lord..you make me fall in love with him..with adrian.Den all | do is nua in front of my pc.| chat alot with guys in the chartroomz.Den one day...Wen | went to church..My lord | ask you for a guy who will makes me smile..a guy who will brightens up my daes.And my Lord...you have grant my wish. |ve found dat special someone.After 5 months of my flirting ways...| finalli find the one who | realli like.But my Lord..not onli he makes my daes sunny..he also makes my daes rainny.My lord..why you let me get to know him...|ve fallen for him..like how |ve fallen for adrian.Why my lord..why is it happening to me??? " | cried wen | ask the lord why is the history repeating itself.haiz..ill update again lata...no mood now..